


Somebody Else's Song

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-03-29
Updated: 2004-06-27
Packaged: 2018-12-27 13:49:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12082317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: It's Christmas eve and Brian reflects on what could have been. Something happens and he gets a glimpse is given. Based loosey off of the movie "Family Man."  It's an AU - Justin calls Brian baby in this fic.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

Loosening his tie, he let out an aggravated sigh. It was Christmas and he had everything he had wanted. He was successful ad executive. He owned his own agency for Christ's sake! But he wasn't happy. Sure he had more money than he knew what to do with, every fag in New York City wanted him. He could be with anyone he wanted but none seemed fulfilling to him; except one. The one he promised to come back for but never did. His name is Brian Kinney.

"You know you could've had him." A voice said from behind him. 

Turning around Brian saw a man standing in his loft. "Look I don't know how the fuck you got in here but you better get out before I have you arrested." 

"Aren't you even remotely interested as to why i'm here." He asked. 

Brian glared. "No." He didn't bother to turn around. 

The man sighed. This was not going as planned. "It's me Brian, Vic." 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Brian asked agitated turning around. "Vic? But they said..." 

Vic smiled. "I am." 

Brian felt like he was punched in the stomach. "What? But how?" 

"Your life isn't full of anything real. Any real emotion. Not since you left Justin." 

Brian groaned. 

"Look I know you don't want to hear this but things would have been so different." 

"I'm going nuts. I'm dillusional. I'm fucking going insane." Brian muttured. 

"Look I'm here to tell you that things are going to be different when you wake up." Vic smiled and Brian found himself getting drowsy and eventually sleep took over. 


	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes:

Justin calls Brian baby in this fic.  If this irks you then you should head back now.  

* * *

"Dada, dada, dada.."

Brian groaned in his sleep and turned over. 

"Dada, dada, dada.." 

Groanding again Brian opened one eye only to be greeted by a mess of blond hair and a bright smile. Jumping up, he rubbed his eye. 

Another blond came into the room clad in a pair of flannel pants and a t-shirt, carrying a little girl on his hip. "Alright Kevy go get breakfast downstairs and take Stace with you. Let dada get up." 

"Preasents?" Kevin pleaded. 

"After breakfast when your dada is up. Now take Stacey and go." 

The little boy nodded and took hold of his sisters hand when the older man put her down. They took off down the hall. 

"I was beginning to think you'd sleep all day. Our children waited atleast three minutes to wake you up. They want their Christmas preasents." 

Brian still wide eyed and confused was speechless. "Justin?" 

Justin smiled. "Are you alright baby? You're not sick are you. I told you to ask Vance for less hours." 

"I'm insane. I'm going nuts. I'm fucking going... my corvette. Where's my 'vette? My loft...all my stuff. I have a meeting with Nike today..." Brian rambled on. 

Confused, Justin sat on the bed and felt Brian's forehead. "You do feel a little warm. And what's all this shit about a loft and a meeting and a corvette?" 

"This is all some sick joke you and a client set up right? Confuse the fuck out of Brian. Which client set you up to this? How the hell did they find out about you anyway?" Brian tried to laugh and jumped out of bed only to find he had nothing on. Quickly he grabbed a pair of shorts of the floor and a shirt and ran down the hall, down the stairs, past the kitchen and out the front door. He frantically looked around not seeing his corvette he ran back inside, into the kitchen where Justin, Debbie, Lindsey, Melanie and all their friends were gathered. "Where the fuck is my corvette?!" 

Gus, Kevin, Stacey and Josh (Mikes son) all started to giggle. "Aww dada said the f word." Kevin laughed. 

"Baby why don't you come and sit down in the living room. Now." Justin demanded. 

Brian sighed in frustration and stomped into the room with Justin who shut the door behind them. 

Justin grabbed Brian's hand into his. "What's wrong? Baby talk to me." Justin said softly. 

Brian pulled his hand out of Justin's grasp and walked toward the window. 

"When we got married we promised no more secrets, no more lies. So tell me, please? You're scaring me." Justin pleaded. 

Brian snapped and turned towards Justin. "We are not married. I live in New York City and own my own ad agency. I own a corvette and live a very SINGLE life." 

Justin felt tears burn his eyes. "What are you talking about? We've been married for four years. You work for Gardner Vance, one day we plan on having an agency together called Kin-net-tics. When i'm out of graduate school." 

"So genius tell me how old were we when we got 'married'?" Brian asked sarcastically. 

"I was 20 and you were 32. So that would make me 24, you 37, our Kevin 4, Gus is 8 and Stacy is 3." Justin relayed. 

Brian stood up. "I need to get out of here. I need to..." He made his way out towards the backyard. "Vic I know you're out here." 

Vic appeared with a smirk on his face. 

"What the fuck is going on here?" Brian asked. 

Vic laughed. "You are being given a gift. A glance into what might have been if you'd have stuck around Pittsburgh. You see you left right after you were fired from Vanguard after the whole Stockwell fiasco. This is your reality, well for now anyways." And with that he was gone. 


	3. Chapter 3

Just than Gus came outside. "Hey pop."

"Sonnyboy." Brian nodded as Gus took a seat next to him. 

Gus cleared his throat. "Are you and...are you and Uncle Justin getting a divorce?" 

Brian sat for a minute. "Why would you ask that?" 

"Well because I've never seen him cry until now." His 8 year old son commented. 

"Your Uncle Justin is crying in there?" 

Gus nodded. "He told grandma Debbie that he thinks your tricking again. Daddy what's tricking?" 

Brian had to smile at that. "You'll learn when you're older." 

"Dada it's Christmas why is daddy all sad? Is it because you yelled and said the f word?" Kevin asked coming out onto the porch. 

Brian stood up. "Daddy and I just had a little argument Kevy. Now come on boys lets go open some presents." Brian smiled as each one of his sons took a hand. Maybe this was the life he was suppose to have lived all along. 


	4. Chapter 4

Brian came into the kitchen where Justin was wiping his eyes. Debbie and Jen on either side of him. "Justin can I talk to you a moment?"

Justin nodded. 

Emmett noticed the pleading look in Justin's eyes. "Hey Gussy, Kevy, Josh and Stacey lets go open some presents." The kids all cheered as they followed Emmett into the living room followed by Ted, Mike and Ben, Debbie, Rodney, Molly and Jen who all glared at Brian. 

"We need to talk later but let's just go out into the living room and just get through today for our kids sake." Brian suggested. 

Justin nodded. "Fine for our kids sake lets go out there hold hands, hug, kiss and be happy dada and daddy. But we will talk later." 

Brian nodded too and took Justin's hand into his. 

"Dada are you two better now?" Kevin asked. 

Justin pinched the inside of Brians palm. "Yes of course." Brian said through gritted teeth. 


	5. Chapter 5

Sighing, Justin put another dish into the cabinet. What was wrong with Brian? Why was Brian acting so strange? Justin's heart stopped for a moment. Brian was having an affair. He just knew it. In four years of being together Brian's vow of being monagomous was broken.

Brian had wondered into the living room and was looking at pictures scattered throughout. There was ones of them hugging and cuddling and some with their friends and family. Going through their entertainment center Brian saw a tape with the word 'Wedding' on it. Taking it out, Brian put it into the vcr. 

The video started and two people were show standing under a gazebo. A sun was setting behind them. Brian had on a white button up long sleeved shirt that was loose and a pair of khakis. He was barefoot and they were on a beach. Justin had a light blue short sleeved shirt on with a pair of khakis on, but unlike Brian he hada pair of tennis shoes on. 

"That was the happiest day of my life." Justin said softly rubbing his hands on a towel. 

Brian was startled out of his trance. "What?" 

Justin smiled from the doorway and joined Brian on the couch. "I never thought i'd be as happy as I was that day." 

"Where are the kids?" Brian asked. 

"At Debs'. She thought we'd need time together." Justin said. 

Brian nodded. 

"Brian?" Justin asked turning off the tv and vcr. 

"Hmm?" 

Justin sighed and ran his fingers down Brians arm. "Who is he?" 

"What?" Brian asked softly. 

"Look Brian i'm tired of arguing with you. So I want to know what's going on? Who are you fucking?" Justin asked wearily. 

"No one! God Justin why do you think i'm fucking someone?" Brian stood up and stormed over to the picture from their wedding. "Do you always think i'm fucking someone!" 

Justin stood up and softly put a hand on Brian's back. "Well if it's not that then what is it?!" 

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Brian muttered. 

Justin retracted his hand and crossed his arms over his chest. "Try me." He said sarcastically. 

Brian turned around quickly scaring Justin a bit. "So you wanna know why i'm acting weird! Well i'll tell you fucking why!" 

Justin was taken a back. 

"Yesterday I had a loft in New York City, I had my own ad agency, I had all the money I could want and I wasn't fucking married! This isn't my reality!" Brian screamed. "This isn't my reality." Brian said softly. 

Justin had tears in his eyes. "Well you know what Brian? This is my reality." Justin started to leave the room. "I'm going to go pick up the kids because I promised them we'd go to my mom's tonight. You can do whatever the fuck you want." 


	6. Chapter 6

_authors note: i'm trying to make these chapters longer for you guys :) i promise._

* * *

Brian just sat in a stunned silence for about an hour trying to make sense of it all.

"Confusing isn't it?" Vic asked from the seat next to him. 

Brian turned to Vic. "Where did you come from? What the hell is going on? This could never happen. I don't believe in marriage or..." 

"Or love. I know." Vic took a moment. "Brian that's who you were. This is who you are now." Pressing play on the remote controller, the rest of the wedding came on. 

"Vic I don't want to.." 

Vic turned to Brian. "Shh and just watch." 

Brian sighed defeatd and turned toward the television. 

_"Brian and Justin opted to say their own vows. Justin you may go first." The minister spoke._

Justin turned to face Brian. "Brian ever since I met you I knew i'd love you forever. I knew that we'd be together. It took alot to get through but we finally did it. Not Ethan or Stockwell or anyone else could get in our way of finding each other all over again. So I stand here today promising to remember to pick my clothes up and not just drop them on the floor..." The crowd let out a soft laugh. "To be faithful, true and honest from this day forward. I love you Brian Kinney and that love will keep us together." When Justin finished he had tears streaming down his cheeks. 

Brian ran his thumb along the side of Justins face. "Justin you are undoubtedly the most persistent, the most forceful, the most unplanned and yet the most worthwhile, the most selfless, the most honest and true thing that's ever happened to me. Until you I didn't know what love really was, what it felt like. Everyone knew that Brian Kinney didn't do love..." more laughs. "But then you came along and flipped my world upside down. As hard as I tried I couldn't get rid of you and for that i'm forever grateful. You know me better than anyone else, you know me at my best and at my worst. You are the one person's opinion I value most. I promise to stop tricking from here on in. I love you." 

"Will you continue to love me the rest of my life?" Justin asked softly. 

Brian shook his head 'no.' "No. I'll continue to love you the rest of mine." 

Justin was sobbing with happiness now. 

"May I have the rings please?" The minister asked. 

Gus smilled and ran up with his pillow that held two rings. 

"Repeat after me Justin. With this ring I thee wed." 

Justin couldn't stop smiling as he slid the ring on Brian's finger. "With this ring I thee wed." 

"And now you Brian." 

Brian had tears in his eyes too. "With this ring I thee wed." 

The minister smiled. "I now pronounce you married. Let me be the first to congratulate you. You may now kiss." 

Brian gave a wink to their wedding party as his lips found Justins. 

"Well?" Vic asked. 

Brian shrugged. "I just I..." 

Vic handed Brian a photo abum. "Here look through these." 

Brian opened the book. Inside were tons of pictures of him and Justin, the kids, the family. 

The door clicked open as three excited kids ran in. "Dada! Dada!" They both cheered. 

Brian smiled and shut off the tv, dropping the album to the coffee table. 

"Gwama gave me a hund...a hund...a hundid pweasents." Stacey beamed. 

Gus came in behind her. "That's a hundred Stacey. A hundred. And Grandma Jen only gave you like twenty if that." 

Stacy pouted. "She did too!" 

"Kids why don't you bring your stuff up to your room. Gus don't forget to call your moms later." Justin called after them. He gave Brian a look and started to turn around. 

"Hey Jus come back here for a moment." Brian said softly. 

Justin groaned inward and turned back toward Brian. "I don't want to fight any more." 

"Neither do I." Brian agreed. "Come here, please?" 

Justin sighed and walked over to where Brian was sitting. He was surprised when Brian pulled him onto his lap. "I love you. I'm sorry about today. I wasn't myself at all." Well if he was going to be stuck here for a while might as well enjoy it. 

Justin nodded feeling tears burn his eyes. "I thought sorry was bullshit." 

"Not when it comes to you. I just...I want you to know that you are the only one I love, the only one I fu- wait make love to and the only one I want." Brian admitted what he couldn't in his life. 

Justin didn't know what to say. "You hurt me today Brian. You made me not want to be Justin Kinney anymore." 

_Justin Kinney_ Brian thought _has a nice ring to it_. 

Brian just squeezed Justin harder to him. "Let's just forget about the fights today, okay? Start new?" 

Justin stood up. "Brian you basically said today that you wanted nothing to do with me or the kids. Did you not?" 

"I was-" 

"And now you're saying you want to. You can't play this game Brian." Justin finished. 

Standing up, Brian grabbed Justin's arm. "I'm sorry, okay?" 

"Sorry's for bullshit. I'm going to bed. Don't bother coming up. You can sleep on the fucking sofa." Justin spat. 

Brian was starting to loose his temper. "Goddamnit Justin! What the hell do you want from me?!" 

Justin rolled his eyes and continued up the stairs. The next thing Brian heard was the door slam. 


	7. Chapter 7

Two bodies slammed into Brian's leg. Both sobbing uncontrolably. "Dada why are you and daddy fighting?" Kevin said through his tears.

"Dad they heard you and Uncle Justin fighting. Are you two going to be okay?" Gus asked. 

Brian shrugged and picked up Stacey. Let's get you three to bed." Brian followed Gus up the stairs. He helped Stacey and Kevin change into their pajamas before tucking them into their seperate beds before turning to Gus. 

Gus had taken a few extra blankets and a pillow out of the hall closet, handing them to his dad. "Goodnight dad." 

"Sleep well sonnyboy." Brian said softly before heading down to the couch. 

Gus waited to hear Brian make it to the first floor before walking into the master bedroom. Justin was in bed reading. 

"Uncle Justin?" Gus asked. 

Justin smiled and put his book down. "Gus, what's wrong?" 

"Are you and dad getting a divorce?" Gus asked frankly. 

Sitting up Justin motioned for Gus to sit on the bed. "Honey, we're having a rough day. I'm sure it'll pass." 

"Then why is dad sleeping downstairs?" Gus snapped. 

"We need some time apart." Justin said trying to remain patient. 

Gus stood up. "Cut the bullshit Uncle Justin. I'm 8, remember?" 

"And you've got a mouth on you too. Do your mothers know that you talk like that?" Justin was getting mad. 

"Where do you think I learned it? Uncle Justin all i'm saying is that mama sleeps on the couch like that when her and mommy have big fights." Gus replied. "Night." 

Justin just sat there for a few moments before making his way downstairs. 

He found Brian laying on the couch staring straight ahead. 

"I'm tired Justin. Can we wait till tomorrow for round 5?" Brian pleaded. 

Justin sighed. "I'm not here to fight with you." 

"Then why are you here?" Brian shot back. 

"Because you're my husband. I love you and we've spent all Christmas fighting and not spending one damn minute together." Justin finished. 

Sitting up Brian opened his arms to Justin. Justin smiled slightly and dove into his arms. They sat on the couch for minutes just holding one another. 

"We're going to be okay." Brian stated softly. 

Jusin looked up into Brian's eyes. "Are we?" 

Brian kissed Justin's forehead and held him tighter. 

Sometime during the night Brian felt himself being awakened. 

"Brian?" It was Vic. 

Brian groaned. "Come back tomorrow Vic." 

Vic sighed. "Wake up." 

Brian groaned again and untangled himself from Justin, careful not to wake the younger man. He crawled over Justin and off the couch. "What?" 

"How are things going?" Vic asked. 

Brian shrugged. "Better than they were." 

"That's great." Vic's smile was forced. 

"What?" Brian asked. 

Vic sighed. "You do remember that this is just a glimpse, right?" 

"Yeah, Vic I was thinking maybe I could just stay in this life." Brian said. 

Vic looked sympathetic. "Brian eventually you're going to have to go back. They haven't told me when yet. It could be days, months, years. I don't rightly know. I will come back when they have decided. I'm sorry." 

Brian felt like he was being punched in the stomach. "This isn't fair Vic. They, you who ever the hell can't play games like this on people." 

"I'm sorry." Vic said and disappeared. 

Shifting from the couch drew his attention away from where Vic had just been. 

"Baby what's wrong?" Justin asked sleepily going to Brian. 

Brian just pulled Justin towards him, enveloping Justin in his arms. "Let's go to bed." 

Justin nodded and grabbed Brian's hand, leading them up to the bedroom. 


	8. Chapter 8

Justin didn't know if he and Brian would make it to the bedroom in time. Brian's kisses and roaming hands were making him weak in the knees.

"Brian..we..need to get in...the bedroom...we'll wake the kids." He breathed. 

Brian scooped Justin up into his arms threw open the door, shutting it behind and depositing the blonde on the bed. Clothes were soon deposited on the floor, breathy moans filled the room. 

Brian ran the his thumb over the tip of Justin's cock. Justin arched at the touch gasping for air. 

"Brian please, oh God please now." 

Smiling Brian opened the drawer looking for lube and condoms. He found lube but no condoms. 

"Hey Jus where are the condoms?" 

Justin gave him and incrediculous look. "Condoms? Brian we haven't used those since we got married. Now come on." Justin thrust his hips in the air. 

Brian thought for a moment before going back to the task at hand. He lubed himself up before thrusting into Justin. He felt sensations he had never before. He was actually fucking Justin bareback, this thought excited him more. It didn't take long for him to come. Justin came shuddering a few moments later. 

Brian went to pull out but Justin stopped him. "No, stay inside me." 

He kissed the younger man passionately. 

"I just need to feel you right now. I need you." Justin was starting to cry. 

Brian ran his thumb over Justins cheek catching the tears. Awkwardly, he pulled the blonde to him. Eventually they fell asleep, Brian still inside Justin. Sheets, blankets and clothes all over the floor. 

Light pouring in from the window woke Justin up. He was a little disoriented at first wondering why Brian was lying on top of him. Then he felt the intimacy of last night coming back. He knew Brian was still inside of him. 

"Brian, wake up." Justin shook the older man. 

Brian mumbled. "Fuck off." 

"Baby, I need to go make the kids breakfast and you're still inside me." Justin said softly. 

He looked up into the blue eyes. "Go back to sleep Justin." 

"No, Brian get up, just for a moment." 

Groaning, Brian finally pulled out of Justin. He fell back asleep within moments. 

Justin got out of bed and pulled on a pair of boxer shorts before throwing a blanket over Brian. 

"Daddy!" Kevin screamed, bustling into the room. 

Justin wiped his eyes. "Yes baby." 

"Gus's Mama and Mommy are here." 

Justin nodded. "Honey go tell them I'll be down in a moment." 

Kevin smiled and bustled out of the room. 

Looking at the clock, Justin saw it was only 11 a.m. "Brian, the kids's mothers are here." 

"That's fucking great." Brian groaned again. 

Justin smiled and pulled a pair of jeans and a picked up Brian's sweatshirt off the floor throwing it on. Before leaving the room, Justin kissed Brian's forehead. 

"Hey sweetie!" Mel called. Justin nodded. 

Lindsey stood up handing Justin a cup of coffee. "I hope Gus wasn't too much trouble last night." 

Justin shook his head. "Nope, Gus was great." 

"How about our Kevin and Stacey?" 

Justin turned around and enveloped the girl in a hug. "Daph! I thought you were going to Europe with the new boyfriend." 

Daphne just hugged Justin back. "And be away from my kids on Christmas, I don't think so." 

"Where's Brian?" Lindsey asked. 

"Still in bed." Justin replied taking a sip of the coffee. 

Mel cleared her throat. "Are you two okay?" 

"What happened?" Daphne wanted to know. 

Justin nodded. "Brian and I got into a fight yesterdy. We're alright now." 

"Daddy, Mommy, Mama, Uncle Justin!" All the kids came bustling into the kitchen. 

"Yes?" Justin answered for the parents. 

"Daddy, can we go play outside in the snow?" Kevin asked. 

Justin looked at Mel, Linds and Daph. "Sure, Gus watch them." 

"Right Uncle J. " Gus replied as he helped Stacey with her coat. 

"Hey what's the party for?" Brian smiled coming into the kitchen. "Hey girly." Brian kissed Daphne on the cheek. 

Justin walked over and kissed Brian. "How'd you sleep?" 

"Great. The question should be how are you walking today? After all my c-" 

"Okay TMI!" Mel shouted interrupting Brian. 

Linds smiled. "Well boys we've gotta be going. See you later Daphne." 

Melanie and Lindsey started for the door, getting Gus from outside to start their walk home. 

"I'll take the kids to the movies for a while." Daphne suggested. 

Brian nodded. "Sure." 

"Finally the house to ourselves." Brian purred pulling Justin to him. They were sitting on the couch watching some insanely romantic movie. Justin had picked it out after Daphne had taken Kevin and Stacey to the theatre. 

As they kissed Brian knew that this was the life he wanted. Vic nor anyone else could take this away from him. 


	9. Chapter 9

Months past and Brian was beginning to think that Vic would never return. He loved the life he was leading. He loved the fact that every morning either Stacey or Kevin would wake him and Justin up to   
make them their breakfast. He loved the way the kids would hug him before they got on their bus, the intimacy that he felt with Justin both physical and emotional. But he also loved his job, he loved the fact that not only was he making great money but Justin was his equal. For Justin as well worked at Vanguard and was the head of the art department. He loved that Gus and him were so close.

"Justin I'm home!" Brian called through the door. 

Smiling Justin got up off the couch and hugged Brian. "How'd dinner with Adrian Smith go? Did we land the Adidas account?" 

Brian nodded. "Of course." 

"This calls for a celebration." Justin anounced. "The kids are spending the night and Linds and Mels. So tonight is ours." 

Running a hand through Justins hair, Brian pulled him in for a passionate kiss. 

"I'll be right back." Justin smiled seductively. 

Brian felt his heart flutter as Justin walked into the kitchen. 

"Am I interupting something?" A voice behind Brian asked. 

Brian felt himself go numb as he turned around to face Vic sitting on the couch. 

"No." He whispered. 

Vic stood up. "I'm sorry." 

"Please Vic, please let me stay. Please?" Brian felt himself tear up. 

Vic looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry. But I do have good news for you." 

Brian nodded for him to continue. 

"You get a choice." Vic explained. "You can either go back to the life you were living before this. You'll forget this ever happened. Or you can go back." 

"To when?" Brian wanted to know. 

"Right after you got fired from Vanguard." 

"And if I do go back will things turn out like this?" Brian asked. 

Vic shook his head. "This is what could have been. This isn't reality. If you go back things will play out differently. You could end up like this or you and Justin could end." 

"And if I don't chose?" 

"Then all your memories of Justin will be erased. You won't ever have met him at all." Vic replied. "Whatever you choose Brian, say the words _This is what I want, this is what my heart desires_ and you'll wake up in that reality tomorrow. Choose wisely." Then Vic was gone. 

"Champagne for..." Justin trailed off seeing Brians pale face and the tears shining in his eyes. "What's wrong?" 

Brian turned around and pulled Justin to him. 

"Brian are you okay?" Justin said softly again. 

The older man just held on tighter. 

"I love you. I know I would never admit it at first. But I do. God Justin I do." Brian was shaking. 

Justin was getting scared now. "Brian what's wrong? Tell me." 

"Nothing. Nothing." Brian replied. "Just promise me you won't ever forget I love you." He said taking a glass from Justin. 

Justin was starting to laugh when he noticed Brian was being serious. "I promise." 

Brian nodded. "Good." He took a breath. "Good." 

Justin tried to smile and held up his glass. "To us." 

"To us." Brian said softly. 

That night they made love slow, fast and everything in between. Justin had curled into Brian when they were done and Brian held the man as close to him as possible. 

Brian didn't want to go back to his old life but he didn't want to have to start over again with Justin, knowing that there would be a chance they wouldn't end up together. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath and whispered. "This is what I want, this is what my heart desires." 

"'talking to me?" Justin asked sleepily. 

Brian shook his head and kissed the top of Justin's. "No go back to sleep." 

"mmm hmm." Justin whispered finding sleegain. 

Feeling tears prick his eyes Brian knew he might regret the choice he had made, years down the road but he couldn't bring himself to choose anything else. "Goodbye Justin." He whispered before finally letting sleep overtake him. 


	10. Chapter 10

Yawning, Brian rolled over. He was slightly diroriented with his surroundings before he realized where he was. A light from the kitchen filtered into the bedroom. Glancing, with bleary eyes he saw it was 2   
in the morning. _It had been a dream_ , Brian told himself. Then he realized where he was. Feeling a lump rise in his throat he got out of bed and slowly made his way out of the bedroom.

Sitting in the middle of the living room floor was Justin, clad in his pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. He was busy sketching away. "Justin?" Brian asked, unsure of himself. 

Justin turned around quickly. "God Brian you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing out of bed? You're going to need your rest for your meeting with-" 

"How old are you?" Brian asked hurriedly. "What's the year? Where are we?" 

Giving Brian a funny look, Justin started stacking his sketches. "What are you talking about Brian? Are you okay?" 

"Answer the fucking questions!" Brian pleaded. 

Sighing Justin began to speak. "I'm 19, it's 2003 and we are in your loft in Pittsburgh." 

"And that makes me 31?" Brian asked. 

"Oh my God he actually admits it!" Justin said acting astonished. "Look Brian I know getting fired isn't the easiest thing in the world.." 

"I got fired from Vanguard?" Brian asked more to himself. "It worked! Justin it really worked!" 

Justin nodded. "Come on Brian, let's go to bed. Maybe you'll be back to your old self in the morning." He took Brian's hand in his and started towards the bedroom. 

"Justin." Brian said soflty. 

Stopping, the younger man faced Brian. 

"It's just...I..." Brian surprised both himself and Justin by pulling the younger man towards him. 

Smiling, Justin pulled away. "I know, Brian. I know." 

Taking a deep breath Brian nodded. "One day I'll say the words to you. Everyday, several times a day." 

"I don't need the words." Justin smiled and continued leading them both to bed. 

They both laid in silence. Brian happy to be holding Justin. 

"So why are you acting so strange?" Justin said soflty. 

Brian shrugged. "I don't know. It feels like for the first time I've finally been able to think for myself without any of my doubts or fears get in the way. The person I was is somebody else, not me." 

"Oh." 

"And sometimes all you need to be shown is that you can be happy. Sometimes all you need is a glimpse of what could be to change what you have now." Realizing he was talking to himself, Brian closed his eyes and let sleep take him; knowing that he had made the right choice. 

_This is what I want, this is what my heart desires._


	11. Chapter 11

_Authors Note: I apologize that this has taken this long to get out to you all. But enjoy_

* * *

~ 5 years later ~ 

Did you ever think that me, Brian Kinney would end up a family man? Ever? I sure as hell didn't. What a surprise it was when I realized that I didn't only love my children, but I love growing old and watching them grow up. You may laugh, but to me that's a big accomplishment. I'm pulled out of my thoughts as Justin, my beautiful husband is starting to wake up. And yes I did say husband. 

"Hey." He says sleeplily, turning around in my arms. 

"Hey yourself." I smile down at him. He's so cute when he's just waking up. Oh my God now i'm starting to sound like a dike. 

Justin kisses me softly. "Whatcha thinking about?" 

I shrug. "You. Us." 

"And?" He prods. 

Laughing softly I reply. "I just can't believe we're here, at this place." 

Stroking the hair out of my eyes he just waits for me to continue. 

"I guess I just never thought i'd ever end up like this. I mean I'm 36 years old, and i'm married with a family. Ten years ago I would have laughed in your face if you told me that. And now, now I actually enjoy waking up everyday, seeing your face, our children." I curse myself for being such a queen at this particular moment. 

Justin is smiling so brightly . "I love you, so much." 

I feel a strange feeling coming over me. I'm happy. Justin has managed to crumble every last wall of mine. The last one just coming down now. I cannot believe that he has been able to get through to me, not my bullshit or my facade, but me. 

He curls himself more into my side. Finally feeling at ease I close my eyes and join him in totally oblivion. 


End file.
